Junk Drawer: The (Don’t) Watch List

ANASTASIA MONTAVON, AUSTIN VAN PAY, BENJAMIN K. PAPLHAM, SAMANTHA KOLB

Anastasia: “Transcendence”

I wanted good things from this movie. I tried very hard to enjoy it, but the truth is it took every bit of determination I had to get through the first half of the movie. The second half I got through because at that point, I was too lazy to move. This 2014 movie starring Johnny Depp and Rebecca Hall is supposed to be making some kind of statement about the dangers of artificial intelligence or something along those lines. This movie is extremely boring, as the script calls for the characters to have basically the exact same conversations several times throughout the movie in an attempt to drive an incredibly shallow point home. I wouldn’t recommend watching this movie in a bad-movie marathon. Instead, just avoid it at all costs.

Austin: “Movie 43”

One of the worst movies I have ever seen has to be “Movie 43.” The plot of the film is developed through a series of interconnected short films with ridiculous and insane storylines pitched from a washed-up producer. This film failed for me on so many levels. First by having so many ridiculously unfunny and raunchy jokes that just failed to land their mark. It’s also so astonishing to me that this film could have so many directors and film stars in it and still turn out to be an absolutely terrible film. You would think that they would be able to see from a mile away that this film was a lost cause, especially when you have such a long list of popular film stars such as Hugh Jackman, Emma Stone, Chris Pratt, Naomi Watts, Dennis Quaid and so many more. It’s easy to see why some may have had high expectations with a cast like that, but please, don’t watch this film…ever.

Ben: “The Last Airbender”

After watching Shyamalan’s adaptation, I immediately apologized to my friends for not believing them when they said the movie was terrible—mind-numbing-cry-your-bleeding-heart-out-and-let-the-tears-of-utter-betrayal-seep-into-your-pillow-terrible. Not even the Avatar, master of all four elements, could stop them. There are so many problems with “The Last Airbender,” but here are some of the worst. Even though the setting and culture in the show are overtly East Asian, the heroes are Caucasian. You can literally see green screen outlines in several camera shots. Apparently, Earthbenders need some random Waterbender kid to remind them that their powers allow them to control…earth. Even though the premise is Aang will master all four elements, the film gives absolutely no foreshadowing/indication that he will learn Earth or Fire-bending. Where the heck is Toph? John Noble (“Lord of the Rings”) wastes his talent with a bit role in the film.

Samantha: “Birdemic”

Awfully delightful, in my opinion. I had the pleasure of watching “Birdemic” with a friend who has a bit of an obsession with terrible movies, but this one took the cake. For the first 47 minutes of the movie, there are no birds—then BOOM (Quite literally, with explosions) the birds go crazy and begin attacking people and somehow possess explosives to bomb the city with. Not only are the animation and special effects at a third-grade level, but the acting is just as awful. The man who directed it also stars in the film, and of course he gets the girl (albeit in a stalker-y way) and even rescues two young kids along the way. The film attempts to blame the bird’s murderous behavior on bird flu and global warming, so in a way, it’s a movie about environmental awareness. This is a film meant to be made fun of, so if you feel like having a good laugh, I suggest watching “Birdemic,” and I guarantee a semi-decent time.

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