The Struggle in Endings


In my opinion, endings are the hardest necessity in this incomprehensible universe. They’re harder than periods, harder than keeping dentist appointments, and definitely harder than new beginnings. Even when a positive transition is in line, the idea of the completion of my current state makes my stomach churn. I want all good things to go on forever, and so I try and reconcile it in my mind. I may not be able to find true immortality, but thinking about the nature of things helps a little.

Endings are not so concrete as I fear. At least that’s what I like to say in order to ward off an unwanted sense of regret. If we define existence in two ways, we can say that things that exist can exist in reality, and they can exist in the mind. Even if one has reached an ending point in their life or in a relationship, the memories will always exist in the mind, making the ending firm in reality but only partially existent in the mind. But perhaps there’s a third option, an option that allows a relationship to exist long after . We may perceive time chronologically, moving forward and leaving people and ideas behind us, but the sphere of time is not so easily wiped clean. Regardless of how well an event is remembered or recorded, it still happened and that is a fact that cannot end.

Even if we never see each other again, I will find some solace in the fact that we exist in the same universe. So long as we are alive, we are both either inhaling, exhaling or holding our breath. For a little while I will take comfort in knowing that we will probably do one of those three things in the same moment at some point in time. Eventually, I’ll move on and I won’t need those consoling images, but I’ll probably remember them when I’m laying in bed contemplating the memories that have made me who I am. Our paths will probably never cross again, but we will always be within the same atmosphere, stepping on the same earth, looking up at the same vast planes of space and time. Even if one of us dies and our souls are no longer together on this physical earth, we can find some connectivity in the fact that we existed and interacted in the same moment in the massiveness of time. After all, considering how many people are on this earth, and how much time there was for us to exist during, it’s pretty impressive that we even met all. At the very least we will have that.


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